Akatsuki in trouble
by bj21
Summary: One day, Pein gets sick and Konan has to take charge. And what chaos would induce if a certain doctor was to get involved? Rated T for course language by everyone...
1. Chapter 1

Summary: One day, Pein gets sick and Konan has to take charge. But the whole Akatsuki just won't follow because she's a woman! And what chaos would induce if a certain doctor was to get involved?

Rated T for coarse language

……………………………………………………………....

One day, everything was normal in the Akatsuki base. Sasori was the first one to wake up. He headed for the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. But he was stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed something strange.

"Wait a minute…"

He sniffed the air for that familiar smell that was absent that day.

"Why don't I smell the fresh scent of coffee in the morning like I used to?"

Curious, he continued his steps to the kitchen and opened the door. The leader wasn't there.

"That's odd… He's always the first one up before anyone of us…"

His voice sounded skeptical.

"Good Morning… Sasori no Danna…"

A voice yawned. He saw Deidara still half asleep walking towards him.

"Deidara, have you seen the leader? He's not here…"

"He's not? But he's always here before any of us…"

"I know…"

Later on, as more of the members began waking up, they became even more suspicious.

"C'mon guys, give him a break… He must be sleeping late these days because he's real tired and stressed out."

Konan stated, trying to calm all the men who were going in a panic.

"Do you have proof of your statement?"

Itatchi asked.

"Alright, you want me to go wake him up? Fine! Let's all go! I'll show you all that there's nothin' to worry about and that he's just sleeping…"

They all went upstairs, directly in front of the leader's quarters.

"Tobi scared. Tobi never been to leader-sama's room before!"

Tobi said, clinging behind Zetsu.

Konan knocked on the door gently.

"Sir?"

No answer.

"Sir?"

Still no answer.

Konan was beginning to worry.

"Pein! Open the damn door!"

She yelled, knocking even louder than before.

"And she told us not to panic…"

Kakuzu muttered under his breath.

They knocked many times and still no answer came. Not even a sound.

"That's it!"

Hidan said walking towards the door, bringing out his scythe.

"I'm breaking in!!!"

He yelled.

He swung his scythe at the door and it impaled itself. He pulled it back with much force and ripped out the door.

"You're paying for that, Hidan. Not me…"

Kakuzu said, following the others in.

"Oh Shut the fuck up, Kakuzu!"

Hidan yelled at him.

Konan peeked into the desk he usually worked in and found no one there.

"Hah! I told you all! No leader on the desk means the leader's in bed!"

Konan yelled with pride.

"Well yeah, but let's just check to make sure…"

Kisame suggested.

"Fine…"

They opened another door that led to Pein's real bedroom and not his office. And yes, he was in bed, but he didn't look that well. Konan laid her hand on his forehead to see if anything was wrong.

"It's nothing serious, he just has a fever. That's all."

She announced.

"The leader… Sick?"

Then they all went laughing their guts out. But then, Konan threw them a serious look that made them stop.

"You're not kidding, are you?"

Sasori asked.

"Does it look like I am? And so for the meantime I declare myself leader! You all have to obey what I say."

The men were stunned by her statement.

"FUCK NO! I'm never taking orders from a girl!"

Hidan yelled out loud.

"Besides, give us two fucking reasons to obey someone like you."

"Alright. 1. I am Pein's second in command and 2. I'll have him dispose of all of you by the time he's recovered…"

She said in a threatening tone of voice.

"Ok… What do you want us to do?"

Kisame shrugged.

"Zetsu, I want you to be in charge of the medicine. Deidara, Sasori, I want you all to be in charge of the food. Everyone else, you're gonna be the defenses and the ones to go on missions if needed."

"What will Tobi do? What will Tobi do?!"

The excited masked blob jumped up and down.

"Tobi you will gotta help me with the leader."

"Yay!!!!!!"

Tobi cried out in joy, jumping around the room.

"Ok, everyone… You may go now!"

She said, proudly taking on her position as temporary leader. She begun to act like one too as if Pein's spirit transported into her body.

She sat on the big chair behind the desk and felt much like a leader already.

"This is gonna be a different kind of mission…"

She muttered to herself.


	2. Deadly Breakfast

This day was either the start of their agony or the chaos that would spring up later on. That's what the Akatsuki doesn't know. They just got dressed and prepared for whatever will be thrown in their way later on.

"Careful with those ingredients danna!"

Deidara warned Sasori.

"Why?"

"I might have misplaced my clay in the kitchen last night and you may mistake it for flour!"

"Yeah, I heard you!"

He then reached for a jar with some white, powdery substance in it. And without even checking the label, he put it right in the mixture.

"Is that pancake batter ready?"

The blonde asked, preheating the pan.

"Yeah, I think…"

"Wow, I didn't know you knew how to cook, danna!"

Deidara asked, amazed.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, it's because the mixture is perfectly smooth. It's as if you measured everything with care… and I didn't even see you use a measuring cup!"

"He…He… Must be a magic touch or somethin'…"

Sasori shrugged and watched as his blonde pair poured the white-colored batter in the pan, though his curiosity was aroused when he shaped it into small birds.

"Hmm… I wonder why he's shaping them into white birds?"

Sasori asked himself and watched in wonder.

Meanwhile with Pein and Konan…

"Ahhhhhh…."

Konan said while putting a spoonful of medicine in front of Pein's mouth.

"I can take that on my own, you know…"

He pouted at his partner who was treating him like a little kid.

"I know but you just look so cute when you're all pouty-wouty!"

She chuckled. It was as if she was not talking to her superior, but her own son.

"Don't talk to me like that! Now give me that!"

He said, snatching the spoon from Konan's hand.

"Should you tell him?"

Zetsu asked her, his voice in a whisper.

"No. I think he'll find out on his own…"

Konan smirked. Later on, the clinking sound of the spoon hitting the ground was heard. The leader was found clutching his neck.

"SHIT! THIS IS SOOOO BITTER!!!!"

He yelled.

"I was gonna give it to you little by little, but you insisted on taking it all in one drink. That's what naughty little boys get!"

She said, picking up the spoon and ruffling Pein's hair.

"I don't know how much I can take of this anymore…"

He said, burying his face in his hands.

Just then a knock came…

"Leader-san!!!!"

Two loud voices rang in his ears.

"We made breakfast!"

Deidara proudly announced.

"Tada!!!"

The two said, pride very evident in their voices as Sasori lifted the cover and the aroma of freshly cooked pancakes filled the air.

"Man, you two have outdone yourselves…"

Pein said, taking the fork Sasori was offering him.

He took one and was about to stuff it in his mouth when…

"Wait a minute…"

He threw it in the air and it exploded.

Everyone looked at the two chefs with anger and confusion.

"Danna!!!!"

Deidara screamed at Sasori.

"Sorry! But how did you know?"

"First of all, I notice Deidara's clay anywhere and second, I caught a whip of Sasori's poison in them…"

The blonde looked at the red head.

"How was I supposed to know that there's still a trail of poison in my hands after I washed them?!"

Sasori exclaimed.

"He… He… Excuse us, leader-san!"

And the two dashed out of the room.

"Great! I don't even feel safe in my own home anymore…"

Pein grunted.

"_Those two are gonna pay…"_

Konan thought evilly.

"_Those two are gonna die…"_

Zetsu thought, an anime sweatdrop appearing on his head.

"Great job… Danna!"

Deidara yelled at Sasori accusingly.

"It's your fault! Why did you have to misplace your stupid clay in the kitchen?"

"I warned you about that, didn't I?"

Deidara answered rather defensively.

"Zetsu…"

Pein spoke.

"Yes, leader?"

"Stop those two or else they'll be beating each other into a bloody pulp later on…"

He requested his tone of voice rather annoyed. Then he coughed hard into his hand. Konan immediately came to his side.

She placed a hand on his forehead again to find out his temperature was rising.

"Ok… this is bad… I think it's about time we call for a doctor…"


	3. Doctor or No Doctor?

"W-W-Wait a minute!"

Pein cried as Konan was about to talk to Tobi about calling for a doctor.

"Doctor? What doctor?! It's just a fever! It'll clear up soon! No need for a doctor, I swear!"

"Yeah. It's a fever wherein your temperature is already 39.9 degrees or 40 to be exact."

"Really, it's that high?"

"Yeah, now if you don't wanna die of extremely high temperature, there's no choice but to call a medical expert. Tobi, keep an eye on the leader…"

She said as she left the room.

"Yes, Konan-chan! Tobi is a good boy!"

After the door slammed, Tobi returned his gaze to Pein who was mumbling curses.

Pein shifted his gaze to Tobi and then smirked evilly.

"Why is Leader-sama smiling at Tobi?"

He asked, like a curious kid.

"Tobi, you want to play a game with me?"

"What game?"

The orange-masked blob jumped in excitement.

"Turn around, Tobi…"

He instructed, making a spinning gesture with his finger.

Tobi followed obediently. Pein snatched a piece of cloth out of nowhere and tied it above Tobi's eyes.

"This game is called 'Shut up and hide' alright?"

He said, tightening the knot.

"Wee! Tobi likes the game already! What next, leader-sama?"

"Well, it's simple… you go hide in that dark closet over there and count from 1-1,000,000, is that understood, Tobi?"

"Yes, leader! Tobi excited!!!"

He ran to the closet and locked the door and began counting.

Outside, still in his bed, Pein began doing the hand seals.

"Summoning jutsu!"

In a puff of smoke, another body of Pein (the one with the ponytail) appeared.

He was coughing his lungs out.

"Don't tell me you too…"

"Well, if you're sick, we're all affected…"

"Ok… ditch that subject… I need you to go down there and cut the telephone cords in the house, and I mean all of them!"

He instructed, grabbing his other self by the collar.

"Why? What's the ~cough~ trouble?"

"Konan's trying to call a doctor! A D-D-Doctor!"

The other Pein began to laugh.

"What? Are you scared, Pein? Oooh! Does baby need his blanky? Or maybe Mr. Snuggles?"

Then he began to laugh like mad.

An anime vein popped on Pein's head.

"Shut the fuck up and do it!"

He went out the door and activated his cloaking jutsu, a pair of wire cutters on his hand and he went down to do as per instructed.

First target, living room phone…

Everyone was in the living room at that time, except for Itatchi and Kisame who were on a mission and Zetsu who was preparing the medicine for later. And of course, Tobi wasn't there because he was; well I think you and I know….

Konan was on her way there when he dashed out from behind the stairs and quickly cut the cord.

"Next stop, the kitchen!"

He went there in a jiffy.

Konan picked up the phone, but no dial tone was heard.

"Hmm… that's strange…"

She peered underneath and saw the cords were cut.

She started to become suspicious and went to the next room a phone was available, the kitchen.

She entered and saw a floating wire cutter and the wire itself.

The other Pein, noticing a presence in the room, looked and saw Konan.

"Aww. Shoot! Can she see me?"

Pretending Konan didn't see that, she walked away from the scene, up the stairs and to her room.

"Yes! She didn't!"

He cheered and continued on cutting.

He went up, pleased with what a good job he did and went straight to Pein's room.

"Well?"

The spiky haired leader asked.

"I'm done. All phone cords are cut!"

"59… 60… 61…"

A voice was suddenly heard.

"Who's counting?"

"Don't ask."

Pein said sternly. But by the way he said it, the other can tell it was Tobi.

"But why is he…?"

"When I said don't ask, I mean don't ask."

"Yes? You can? That's great! See you later, Doctor!"

A womanly voice echoed.

"I thought you cut all the damn lines!"

"I did!"

Konan entered in the room, holding out a cell phone, twirling it like a man would do to his pistol after firing a shot.

"You forgot about my CP, boys…"

The two men hung their heads.

"We're gonners…"

"80…81…82…83…"

A voice called again.

"Who is…?"

"Don't ask."

The two orange haired men said.


	4. Doctor Dracula err Black Jack

ok... this is not as good as I wished for it to turn out... But I wish you guys would think so, anyway, R&R!

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Later on, Pein sat in his bed, still sick from his fever, but he was cuddled up, thinking what kind of doctor Konan called.

"Don't be so nervous! It's not like you're afraid of doctors…"

Pein looked at her, looking like a little kid.

"Or are you…?"

She said, smirking.

"I'm not!"

"Then why are you freaking out?!It's not like you're gonna undergo some major surgery or something!"

Then she stopped and tried to recall something.

"Why, what is it?"

"I totally forgot… You are scared of docs, aren't you?"

"And you call me delusional…"

"Come on! Admit it!"

"I'll admit once you have proof!"

"Remember when we were kids?"

"Oh… ok… but that's not considered as a fear!"

"It is!"

"Is not!"

"It is!"

"Is not!"

Then suddenly, a bell- like ring filled the whole cavern.

"I didn't know we had a doorbell…"

Pein stated, completely forgetting about their argument.

"We don't. It's Deidara's pet clay bird he 'gave life' to. It imitates the sound of a ringing doorbell whenever it sees someone by the cave opening."

"Oh… So it does…"

Konan left the room, but unknowingly had someone following her. Before he left the room, he had his cloaking on. Konan went down the stairs to meet their expected guest while Pein stayed on the rails enough to see whoever that was going into their home.

"Welcome, doctor! I'm grateful you can come."

She greeted and let a man clad in black from top to bottom, which actually made the leader quiver a bit.

"It maybe the chills I'm getting or is this guy just creepy?"

He whispered to himself as he watched Konan and the man talk with each other.

He heard her say 'doctor' in front of the guy.

"Who is this Dracula anyway?"

He whispered but then, the striking tone of a familiar annoying voice came…

"LEADER-SAMA!!!!!"

A loud childish voice came ringing through his ears, though he totally ignored him for as far as he knows, he's invisible.

A finger tapped his shoulder.

"Leader-sama? What are you doing by the rails in your orange bear-printed 'jammies?"

This time, he really looked up to see the expected orange mask just a few inches away from his face.

"T-T-Tobi? You can see me?"

He asked.

"Of course, leader-sama! Tobi just wanted to tell you that I'm on number 193 as of now! Tobi's getting near!"

He cheered.

"Damn! This fever is messing with my powers!"

He cursed.

"Pein?"

A womanly voice came.

"What are you doing there? You should be in bed!"

She scolded in a mother-like tone.

"Nice pajamas, leader-san!!!"

Deidara screamed at him and began laughing like a crazed person who recently broke out of the mental hospital.

The others wanted to laugh but they also wanted to live longer.

"Oh, Deidara you fucking blonde gay!"

He screamed from his hiding place.

"Pein. Bed. NOW!"

She screamed.

"Who was that?"

The badger-haired doctor asked, shifting his cold staring eyes to the spiky haired leader who had a storm cloud on his head.

"Oh, that was your patient, doctor. You can attend to him after I show you where you're going to stay for a while."

She stood up and walked up the stairs.

"You go to your room. The doctor will be there in a moment."

She told him and threw a threatening glare.

"And you! Aren't you supposed to be blindfolded and counting in that damn closet?"

Pein suddenly scolded Tobi.

"That's right! Tobi go back!"

He skipped to the room, but went back and grabbed his leader by the collar.

"What?"

He said, annoyed.

"Because Konan-chan said so…"

He could do nothing but grunt.

"Women…"

A few moments later, along with the doctor in the room…

"Who are you and why are you dressed like someone out of a horror movie?"

"My name is Black Jack..."

He said in a monotonous voice.

"Geez… you answer like Itatchi does."

He silently said.

"By the way, what you have is nothing ordinary. You ninjas have this so called chakra which you need to activate your jutsus and all that right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Call me insane, but there's this some sort of virus in you that's slowly deteriorates that chakra of yours"

"You're insane…. That's not true! It's just a fever!"

"Oh it is. If you remember, I took a bit of your blood a while ago…"

_Flashback_

"_What's that?"_

"_What does it look like? It's a syringe of course!"_

"_And just what are you gonna do with that?"_

"_Hold out your arm!"_

"_Don't be insane! No one told me about any needles involved in this!"_

"_Just hold it out!"_

_Meanwhile, with Tobi in the closet…_

"_194…195…196…197…19-"_

"_Ahh! Give me your arm, dang it!"_

"_No way!"_

"_Shaddup! You're making me loose count!"_

"_Madara… Tobi in control, Tobi count!"_

"_Shaddup you bitch of another personality!"_

"_OWWWWWWWWWW!"_

"_There all done!"_

"I placed that little sample under my microscope and found something pretty abnormal. So that's it…"

"And how long will it take for me to get better?"

"In a few weeks or so…"

"That's great becau-"

"And when I say a few, I mean a lot."

"I thought docs like you were supposed to give hope. Not despair…"

……………………………………………………………………

Ok, I decided to make this an Interactive fic. So when you review, leave the following info behind:

Desired name

Desired Age

Eye color

Hair color

Outfit

What do want to do with Pein/Black Jack and how will you do it?


	5. Here's the fangirl,Watch out, Itatchi!

There's a new character in town! You'll get to meet her later in this chapter! Thank you to all my reviewers! This is you reward for reviewing my stories!

-bj21

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Meanwhile, downstairs…

"You know what, I kinda like this…"

Kakuzu said, stretching his arms to the air.

"What's so good about this?"

Deidara asked, pressing the same button on the remote for the past few hours.

"No one to boss us around, no missions, no jinchuriiki hunting… Is this heaven or what?!"

"You're damn fucking right, Kakuzu!"

Hidan exclaimed, rubbing the rag on his scythe for the 100th time.

Everyone kept quiet until Deidara's pet 'bird' imitated the doorbell ring again.

"Who's out there at this time of day?"

Sasori asked, ruffling his own red hair.

"Go get it Zetsu…"

Kisame cried out while handling Samaheda in different angles from his view.

"Wha-Why me? I'm busy right now!"

He answered from his room.

"You're the creepiest; you'll scare them off even before you get to the door."

Kisame joked, a little chuckle in his voice.

"Why don't you get it, fish face?! You're just as creepy as me, heck you make Dracula look like a Barbie doll!"

Zetsu answered back.

Kisame flinched a bit and a reddish blush crept up his blue skin.

"Sasori, you go!"

He commanded at once.

"Why? Give me five reasons!"

"Well, you asked first. Now, repeat that answer 5 times in your head…"

"That's not valid, Kisame!"

"It is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Itatchi, sitting in the middle of the shark man and the puppet that were fighting suddenly yelped:

"JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING SHITHOLES! SASORI JUST GO GET THE DAMN DOOR ALREADY!!!!"

The puppet grumbled his way to the door and opened it. There he saw a couple of guys in cloaks and had animal masks on them. They were ANBUs.

"If you guys are here to see Pein, I'm sorry; he's not in right now…"

He said rather irritated.

"Why, what happened to him?"

One asked.

"Well, to put it simply, he's sick."

The red head grumbled at them.

"I think we better re schedule our fight…"

One said, bringing out a planner and a pen. Sasori just stared.

"Man, talk about being well prepared!"

He thought aloud.

"About when do you think he'll be available?"

The ANBU asked.

"How 'bout the Tuesday of the third week of February?"

Sasori suggested and watched the masked man scribble on his notebook.

"Ok. We'll be back by then. Get well soon to your leader!"

They bid and ran off.

Sasori banged the door behind him.

"Who was it?"

Deidara asked.

"ANBUs…"

"Oh…"

Another ding-dong came by.

Everyone looked to Sasori's direction with awfully cute eyes.

"Fine! I'll get it! But I better get a promotion after this!"

He stomped to the door and opened it. A girl with brown eyes and blonde hair wearing a lavender dress stood in front of the door.

"Hey there! I want to see your leader, pronto! It's a very important matter I need to discuss with him!"

She yelped and jumped up and down, very excited.

"I'm sorry, but Pein is…"

"I know he's sick, but still, I need even just 10 seconds with him. Or if you want, 5 seconds will be enough! No… a second will do! Just let me see him!"

She continued to hop like crazy.

"Who's there Sasori?"

A voice came and a figure appeared behind the puppet.

It was Itatchi.

"Oh some girl who wants to-"

Sasori was interrupted when the unexpected guest let out a high pitched squeal. Both Itatchi and Sasori covered their ears. Then Sasori dodged the girl as she charged for Itatchi. They rolled to the living room where the others stood open mouthed with a WTF expression on their faces.

She pinned him down to the carpet.

"Hey! Hey! Are you a fangirl or somethin'? Because if you are, we don't want the likes of you in this cave or on top of my partner!"

Kisame said, yelled, pulling her away from his partner.

"I'm not a fangirl!"

She yelled back.

"Then why are you strangling or what you fangirls call 'hugging' Itatchi to death?"

Kakuzu asked, looking down to the poor Uchiha whose face was bluish due to lack of oxygen.

"Nothing… I just love him! LOVE HIM! LOOOOVE HIIIM!!!"

She screamed, which almost blew them off their feet.

"Anyway…"

She said and let go of her grip, letting a loud thud echo as Itatchi's head hit the floor.

"Where is Pein? I want to ask him something!"

She made her way to the visible staircase, but they blocked her way.

"What gives? Move away!"

"No! When we say the leader is sick, that's ninja speak for, in case you don't know, get your ass off our property before we rip you to shreds!"

Hidan exclaimed.

Everyone exchanged dagger looks at each other.

Meanwhile upstairs…

"So can you guarantee your safety in this cave while you're sick?"

Black Jack asked his patient who was just about to dose off.

"Of course! I've got my self a dangerous bunch of S-ranked criminals and they're the best among the rest! Well, except for Tobi that is…"

Then loud thumps and horrid shrieks were heard downstairs. Everyone looked toward the direction of the door as footsteps climbed up the stairs and walked nimbly towards the room they were in.

Konan and Zetsu brought out their kunais and prepared to fight if they needed to. Pein secretly had a kunai under his bed and brought it out. Black Jack armed himself with scalpels.

The door opened with a bang and a head peeked in.

"PEIN!!!!!!!"

A voice squealed and a teenage girl jumped out and hopped onto the leader's bed and did the same thing he did to Itatchi before.

"Geez! Can't you fangirls wait until I actually die already?! You know… maybe in… two…to…three…weeks?"

The girl's grip was cutting off his oxygen supply. Struggling had no use here.

"Nope."

She answered and let go. The others were too shocked to answer.

"Anyway I wanted to ask you something…"

She said, getting off the bed and kneeled down on the ground.

"Please…"

She pleaded.

"Let me marry Itatchi-kun!"

Everyone was open mouthed at what she said.

"WHAT… THE… FUCK?"

They all asked, still open mouthed.

"Hello? Earth to fangirl, no one in this organization is gonna get married I need single able bodied men!"

He pointed at her nose.

"Is that a no?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

She hung her head and continued to trudge out of the room, but when she came across the doc, she gently shook his hand and left a bill.

"Uhh…"

He said, confused.

"Get Itatchi to marry me and there'll be more where you know what came from…"

"What was that about, huh?"

Konan asked him.

"Nothing…"

He shook.

Later…

"Itatchi…"

A voice came.

Itatchi was painting his nails again and didn't even bother to look up.

"What?"

He said monotonously.

"Marry that fangirl who just pounced on you earlier, will 'ya?"

The badger haired doc said, resting on the door frame and crossing his arms above his chest.

Itatchi's hand quivered which made the nail polish squiggle.

"You've gotta be insane if you think I'll marry any fangirl out there… By the way, shouldn't you be torturing leader-sama or somethin'?"

"By the way it's his orders…"

He shrugged.

"No way! Geez, leader-san **IS** sick… This thing is even messing with his mind!"

"Alright have it your way. You wouldn't mind me telling your leader that you disobeyed his orders and soon he'll kick you out of this organization where you'll live alone in the wilderness until you die of extreme hunger and become a dry corpse at the middle of the forest… Now we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?"

He said, eyeing Itatchi, his blood red eyes meeting Itachi's Sharingan.

"No…"

He spoke silently.

"I thought so…"

He snapped and the same fangirl came around the corner wearing a purple wedding gown.

"Tee Hee Hee, Itatchi-kun! I'm living here permanently now since we are conditionally married."

"Conditionally?"

"Yep."

She handed Black Jack a suitcase containing 1,000,000 yen.

"You kept a good promise, Mika Sakura!"

BJ said, shaking her hand.

"I always do doctor…"

Itatchi was open mouthed and suddenly let out a high pitched (Higher than he should have) scream. Everyone poked their heads out of their rooms, Sasori still putting his puppet parts back together from the previous beat up they had.

"What's the problem Itatchi?"

Deidara asked.

But an answer was not necessary. Everyone might have guessed what that meant.

Sasori fell into a dead faint, Deidara accidentally detonated the clay bird in front of him, Hidan drove his scythe through the wrong spot and Kakuzu lost count of his money. Oh and plus, everyone in the whole ninja world stopped and looked up to the sky because of the scream. Sasuke was sure that it was his brother's voice.

……………………………………………………………………

Here you go my dear reviewer! I hope you like it! Up next is the other reviewer I had and her name is gonna be…. (Suspense~ Evil laugh~ Evil piano music played by Doctor Dracula over there…)


	6. More trouble more fun!

Well, here's that chapter I was telling you all about! This is for sleeping itasaku fangirl! Hope you like it!

……………………………………………………………………

Well, since we now know that Dr. Black Jack is here, Pein is **still** sick, Konan and Zetsu are busy, Sasori's still unconscious, Kakuzu started with counting again, Hidan won't stop cursing in his room and Deidara is still cleaning the clay off his face. Oh and by the way, Mika Sakura is now living with them, conditionally… Let's go see how Tobi's doin' first….

"334…335…336…337…338…339…340!"

Tobi exclaimed.

"Tobi getting real close!"

'_You're not even halfway there moran!'_

"Madara speak again? Something wrong?"

'_Your counting, bitch. You repeated numbers 330-340 10 times now…"_

"What wrong with that?"

'_Let me take over barnacle brain! You'll get out of here much faster!'_

"No, Tobi count. Leader-sama told me so! Tobi not want to go against Leader-sama's orders! Tobi be a bad boy if that happens!"

'_C'mon! I'm missing all the fun outside! Who knows what awesomeness they're up to without me there?"_

Ok, enough about Tobi. Bottom line: Madara's lonely and Tobi's never gonna get to 1,000,000… Alright, back on track!

Next day…….

Mika was in the kitchen, eating breakfast with the other Akatsuki members, including the leader who was in shadow form. Dr. BJ was also present at the table.

"Tada!"

Deidara said and tossed to the table numerous plates with different meals in them. Each landed perfectly in front of each member.

"There! That's breakfast for today, leader-san, I made yours light so you won't get too full."

He said with a smile.

"Looks like I'm no the only one sick in this group!"

He chuckled and the others followed. Good thing Deidara didn't notice.

"You can assure that it's 100% clay or poison free, so feel free to eat guys! It's made with love!"

He squeaked.

"Mmm! This is delicious, Dei! You have cooking potential!"

Mika snapped at him. The blonde smiled at his fellow golden-haired friend.

"She's right!"

Kisame agreed.

"It's the first time you made anything that wouldn't torture or emotionally scar me!"

Soon, the dining table was filled with good comments. Even the leader, though being slightly cautious because of his previous experience with the two artists' cooking, gave a good comment too.

"How 'bout you Itatchi-san?"

Black Jack asked the Sharingan- eyed man beside him.

"Yeah, you're the only one who didn't give any comment on my cooking!"

Deidara said to him.

"It's horrible."

He said without a trace of feeling.

A collective gasp was heard all around.

"B-But W-Why?"

Deidara stammered.

"Because…"

He paused for a while.

"It lacks hatred…"

Everyone stared at Itatchi. Though they should've seen the whole hatred thing coming… He always did that.

"Anyway, what's with the shadow form? Don't you trust us?"

Deidara asked Pein as he sat down.

"Because you laughed at me yesterday like the damn fucking gay you are!"

He said.

"And by the way, nice pajamas Dei, how was I supposed to know you loved tweety bird that much?"

He added and eyed the blonde's matching shirt and pajamas.

Deidara's cheeks grew bright red.

"Well, you had funny teddy bear prints on yours!"

Deidara defended, his face still red as a tomato.

"That's nothing compared to you tweety!"

Pein teased back, everyone could see a shadowy tongue stick out from his mouth.

Mika almost blew the milk she was drinking out of her nose as she watched the blonde and the shadow fight over such a small matter.

"SHUT UP! YOU'RE BOTH WEARING BITCHY FUNNY PAJAMAS! NOW JUST CLOSE YOUR FUCKIN' SHITHOLES SO I CAN EAT IN PEACE!"

Sasori screamed.

"Whoa… Someone's awfully cranky today…."

Kisame whispered to his partner.

"Now the breakfast is finally getting appetizing. Hatred is on the table…"

Itatchi said, taking a bite on his toast.

"WHO ASKED YOU PINNOCHIO?!!!"

The two raged at him.

Sasori looked down on his shirt with the familiar Disney character there.

Soon enough, they were all fighting. On the floor rolled a very cranky puppet, an enraged bomb master and an aggressive leader. They all stopped when…

"Ding Dong!"

The parrot went again, meaning somebody was at the door and blah… blah… blah…

"I've been hearing that parrot ring ever since yesterday!"

Pein told them.

"Who were the visitors yesterday anyway?"

"Well, there were the ANBUs, who came to fight, but they just re scheduled. I told them on the Tuesday of the third week of this month. Next was this girl, who I have no idea on why she's still here."

Sasori told him, getting off the blonde who he was crushing to the ground.

"Yeah and by the way, why are you still here?"

Deidara asked, pushing his red head partner off of him.

"I have my reasons…"

Mika said, trying to shake off the question. Itachi, upon hearing the question began to quiver in his seat. Cold sweat, dropping from his face.

"Anyway, are you still sick, you act fine to me…"

Deidara asked.

"Oh yes he still is…"

The doctor interrupted.

"Yeah. If I weren't, believe me, you two would've become a bloody pulp by now."

You've got a point…"

The

"Well, Sasori… Go get the door!"

Kisame said from his seat.

"Me again?"

The puppet raged. Kisame had done it this time, he was real cranky that morning.

"Him again?"

The blonde asked in a sarcastic manner.

"What's going on here?"

The spiky haired leader asked innocently, looking like a left out chibi.

"Just go get the damn door!"

Hidan said.

"Idiotic fucking mongrels…"

The red head said, making his way to the door.

"Yes?"

He grumbled at the person.

It was a girl with black hair and crimson eyes, wearing a crimson tank top, midnight blue shorts and fuzzy crimson slippers and had a pin on her top saying:

'Certified Akatsuki Fanatic'

She was about 18 years of age and What's worse? She appeared to be sleepwalking.

The puppeteer, feeling he was wasting time, shut the door in her face.

"Well, who is it?"

Everyone asked.

"Nobody impor-"

He shut up when the door banged open and smacked him in the face, leaving him flattened behind the door.

"Oww…."

The girl made her way to the couch.

"Wait… Wait… Wait…"

Kakuzu said, blocking her way.

"Who exactly are you?"

The girl, like she knew what she was doing, took out a penny and tossed it.

"Penny-chan!"

Kakuzu yelped and ran to catch the falling money.

She curled up and made herself comfortable.

"Out of my way…"

Kisame said, wielding Samaheda over his head.

"Wait!"

Konan yelled.

"Don't kill her! Maybe we can keep her here."

"You're insane."

Itachi said.

"I am getting lonesome as an only girl here you know…"

She sighed.

"You've got that weirdo Mika Sakura with you!"

The weasel cried, pointing toward the girl he was conditionally married to.

The girl brought out a kunai and pressed it against his throat, which forced him to shut his shithole.

"But we need more girls, even just one more…"

Every man there threw them a WTFAUI* look

(* What the fuck are you insane)

"You can just make Any man here, but me, to do the Sexy jutsu! Now can we get this over with so I can chop this innocent girl's head off?"

Kisame said, leaning onto Samaheda.

"You drive a hard bargain…"

Konan sighed.

"I'll say."

Mika defended her.

Suddenly, Black Jack came out wearing a lawyer's suit.

"What the-?"

Hidan asked creeped out.

"You're a doctor and a lawyer?"

Kakuzu asked, his jaw dropping. (Literally)

"When you get paid a million bucks to do what a woman wants, eh it's worth it…"

Then he brought out a suitcase labeled 'The Hard Way'.

"Guess we're gonna do this the hard way…"

"We can see that…"

Pein said kind of creeped out and confused.

He brought out a scroll that rolled out and it was so long! It went to Konoha and tripped Naruto in a line and fell over Sasuke who fell over Sakura who fell over Ino who fell over Shikimaru who fell over Kakashi who fell over Chiyo who fell over Choji who finally crushed Gaara to the ground.

"The director isn't going to like that…"

Zetsu said, looking through a pair of binoculars.

"Well, here it is. Their legal request in font size number 72."

"That's why it's so friggin long!"

Itatchi concluded, looking at the damage it has done through Zetsu's binoculars.

"It states here that you either keep the girl or you all do the sexy jutsu, including the fish-man, and dress up in funny dresses to play tea party or walk around all the villages wearing only 2 piece bikinis. Your choice, gentlemen."

"We keep the girl."

They all said, in chorus.

Suddenly, she stood up, walked to the kitchen and came out with the coffee maker pot. It was steaming hot and full at that.

"Just what do you think will you do with-"

Pein cut his sentence when the girl threw the boiling hot drink on his face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! MY EYES!"

He screamed, rolling on the carpeted flooring.

She jolted awake and was surprised on where she found herself.

"Hey! You're the Akatsuki! Pleased to meet you! I'm Shizuki!"

She beamed.

They all nodded at the innocent girl who had completely no idea what she did and who she did it to.

Then, Shizuki caught sight of the orange-haired man on the floor, screaming, his face drenched in coffee.

"Whoa… What happened to him? And why am I holding this coffee pot?"

She asked. Staring at the empty, yet steaming, pot at her right hand.

……………………………………………………………………

All right! Here you go! Sorry for the long update! Keep on reviewing and don't forget to drop by the details below if you wanna be part of the story!

**Desired name: **

**Eye color**

**Hair color**

**Outfit**

**What do want to do with Pein/Black Jack and how will you do it?**

Oh and please tell me if you're a guy/girl!

-bj21

\


	7. Terra Kota's here! with Pinoko

**I have a new reviewer! Yep so Shizuki, Mika Sakura and Akatsuki get ready to meet the new gal who'll turn your worlds up side down!**

……………………………………………………………………

One day, Shizuki was in the living room, pulling all the drawers that she could find.

"What the fuck are you looking for?"

Hidan asked a toothbrush in his mouth.

"I'm trying to find a fucking marker, mind you."

She said, too busy to even look at the Jashinist who was pretty mad on the fact she didn't even recognize his manly beauty.

"What do you need a Jashin- damned marker for?"

"My reasons are gonna stay unknown."

She snobbed.

Hidan went away with a Hmph in his voice.

"Aha! Found it!"

She cried out in joy as she held the item proudly in the air.

"Now to put the whole prank into action!"

She whispered to herself.

"But I'm gonna need some help…"

A light bulb flashed above her head.

10 mins. Later…

"I'm not yet even done making breakfast yet… But sure, I'll help…"

Mika said, putting the huge basin, with wheels underneath it, tied to a rope, directly under the stairs.

"What are we doing this for again?"

"Oh nothing…"

Shizuki said with a grin on her face.

Mika just shrugged the feeling off then asked:

"By the way, have you seen my conditionally married husband?"

"I think he went to room with Tobi in the night…"

With Tobi:

"Are you sure it's safe in this closet?"

Itatchi asked doubtfully, clutching his Sasuke plushie next to him.

"We are in the leader's room…It's perfectly safe from fangirls or conditionally married to wives."

Tobi assured him.

"Good."

With Mika and Shizuki:

Mika finished off by putting a pair of roller skates in front of Pein's room.

"There, all set! Thanks for the help!"

She said and shook Mika's hand.

"You're welcome?"

Mika asked, unsure of what to answer.

"Now for the pièce de résistance..."

She snickered and brought out the marker she found earlier.

The door creaked open and a small streak of light entered the room and her shadow blocked it. Still asleep was the Akatsuki leader in his bed.

She couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of the shadow.

"This is going to be E-bay gold!"

She said and snapped on her night vision goggles. It can allow vision of the darkest places on Earth; even see creepy people who disguise themselves as shadows for maximum anime suspense!

She uncapped the marker and began to work, and I mean playing connect the dots with Pein's face piercings.

"Abe Lincoln?"

She said as she finished off.

"Ok… Final touch…"

She plucked a strand of her hair and began to tickle his nose and then placed a blind fold over his Rin'negan eyes.

When it didn't work, she got disappointed. "Grrr… I put in too much effort for this not to work… I even traveled to Suna!" She grumbled then returned with a steaming kettle after which she poured the steaming hot liquid on his face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He screamed and ran frantically to his door.

"Oh I'm so sorry…"

She said as sarcastically as she can.

He opened the door screaming something like "KONAN! GET THAT DAMN DOCTOR HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!"

He slipped into the roller skates.

"WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!"

He said and then rolled down the stairs,

CLANK!

BONK!

CLOMP!

He went as he hit the stairs head to toe in alternate patterns.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! OWWWWWW!"

He said as he hit every step.

Then finally falling into that basin.

"Owww…. Geez… Who put that there?"

He asked, rubbing the back of his head than leaned back, unknowingly pushing a button that seemed to be linked to a giant slingshot out of no where.

"Oh Fuck…"

He cursed silently as it flung him out of the ceiling.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He yelped, flying through mid-air.

Meanwhile in Suna, Gaara, wearing a full body cast because Choji crushed him recently, looked out to the window.

"Beautiful day, right Gaara?"

Kankuro asked is brother who nodded slightly in reply.

A small figure began twinkling and appeared to be falling from the sky.

"Is that a comet, a meteor, or an asteroid?"

Kankuro asked.

"Definitely an Asteroid."

Temari replied.

"No I think it's Akatsuki's leader…"

Kankuro said again. They all stopped for a while and heard the high pitched scream.

"Wait…What?"

Too late, he crashed down right on top of the red headed sand sib.

"Is it over?"

He moaned.

The two, Temari and Kankuro, stared in surprise.

Pein looked down at who he was on and found Gaara.

"Oooh… Sorry Gaara."

The red head moaned back.

His cloak was actually hooked to a rope that who knows where it'll lead.

"Whoever wanted to do this to me wants me dead, ASAP."

He grumbled then the rope was on the move again.

"NO! NO WAY! NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!"

He shrieked as he was again pulled away, jumping through all the villages like he was some human yoyo or something like that.

He landed in Konoha at last, in the middle of the village square. The rope was tied to this wheel-like thing that was pulling it.

"Curse the person that did this to me…"

He shifted his gaze to a ash haired guy with a mask over his face and a copy of the Icha-Icha book in his right hand.

They were both staring at each other for a long time while Kakashi stood there staring at him in shock. So in shock that he dropped the perverted book he was reading.

"Umm… Kakashi Hatake… is it?"

He asked, being familiar with his face.

"IT'S THE GHOST OF THE 4TH HOKAGE! HE HAS RETURNED TO DESTROY THE VILLAGE BY RELEASING THE 9 TAILED BIJUU IN NARUTO!"

He screamed in fright and ran away from the scene screaming all sorts of crazy stuff about the 4th Hokage, Yondaime who is Naruto's father.

"Great, just great. How am I supposed to get back to the base now?!"

He grumbled.

"Let's see if I can now Teleport back and forth…"

In a puff of smoke he was gone.

He opened his eyes and then found himself in front of the base.

"Oh yeah! Boom baby! I did it! I did it! I teleported! I made it! Without dying! I did it! I did!"

He said, dancing. Suddenly, a girl with Terracotta eyes and Dark Red hair wearing a black shirt with I love Tobi lettering on it, three quarter shorts and boots, appeared and saw him dancing.

"Hmm… Must be a new ninja dance craze…"

She said and began to follow him. He stopped when he heard a female voice following his.

"Wha-? Who the hell are you and how did you find your way all the way here?"

He questioned, waving his finger back and forth.

"My name is Terra Kota! But you can call me Terra or Kota!"

She said proudly.

"Great. Are you one of those yaoi fangirls cause we've already got two freaking species of them in the base and we don't want anymore of them! No not anymore!"

He screamed and made his way to the base.

"Aww man… And I really wanted to see my little Tobi sweet heart…"

She groaned.

"Tobi? Sweetheart? This girl's nuts!"

Pein chuckled.

Konan opened the door followed by Mika and Shizuki who was still snickering from the prank she did earlier.

"Pein! There you are! We've been searching all over for you! Word's spread that the 4th Hokage has returned to Konoha."

Mika said, holding Itatchi on a leash so he'll never escape from her grasp, and when he did, she'd just tug on the leash.

"Help me…"

The pitiful Uchiha whispered to his leader in hopes of him hearing him.

"Come in, dear! Anyone's welcome in the base! It's a rule!"

Konan invited.

"Yay! Aringato!"

She dashed in.

"B-but… This is so unfair!!!Whoever told you guys anyone is allowed in the base?! It was never in the rules!!!!"

He screamed so loud that it echoed throughout the villages.

Black Jack appeared out of no where with the death-defyingly long legal document.

"Legal document Pein… Legal document…"

He said in a sort of black mailing voice.

Pein, in rage, grabbed the document from his hand and ripped it to shreds.

"There! No more document! Now get them out of there!!!"

He yelled, pulling his own hair.

"Pein, that wasn't the document that was a copy of the document…"

The leader stomped to his room, a very negative aura around him.

"There better not be any fangirls in my room or I'll offer them all to Hidan's God!"

He screeched, but was rather disappointed on what he saw in his room.

"Come on, Tobi! Let's go on a date! Kota won't hurt Tobi because Kota is a good girl!"

She cooed.

"Tobi is also a good boy! And Kota is very pretty indeed!"

Tobi said back.

"OMG! She hot! I need to get out of here! Dang it Tobi! Let me take over! This girl's mine!"

Madara said, trying to break free from his alternate personality.

Pein made his way to the closet and dragged the two out of the room.

"Take your Tobi and get the fucking hell out of my room!"

The cried and tossed the two out of there.

The two sat there, staring at each other.

"Aww… so sweet!"

Deidara complimented.

"And yet disturbing much…"

Black Jack added, staring at the two who were making cutesy eyes at each other.

"Oh, yeah!"

Terra Kota said, standing up from her position, dragging Tobi by his hand as she made her way downstairs.

"Speaking of disturbing…"

She went out and pushed a little girl about 5 years of age with red hair, red eyes and a cute little jumper suit into the base.

She was crying.

"Is this girl yours? Cause I found her crying outside your house back in Tokyo over the cliff with her dog and an anonymous maid singing Italian songs."

She said, pointing to the girl next to her.

"DOCTOR!!!!"

The girl wailed. It was so loud, enough for everyone to cover their ears. She ran to Black Jack who caught her at once.

"Doctor! Why did you come here?! Why didn't you tell me you needed to come here?!"

She cried.

The doc petted her back and said in a calm yet annoyed manner:

"Pinoko, I told you I needed to come here for a job!"

"No! You told me that…"

_**Flashback:**_

"_**Oh, yes…Yes…Yes, I'd come. See you, bye!"**_

"_**Doctor? Who was it?"**_

"_**No one… But I'm going somewhere…"**_

"_**Yay! I'm coming doc! Just let me pack up my things and…"**_

"_**You're not coming!"**_

"_**Yes I am!"**_

"_**No you're not! It's too dangerous! And besides, I'm there to… umm… uh… get an important… autograph that's it!!!Yes, I'm invited to a movie premier night in… uh… Animewood! That's it!"**_

"_**Don't you mean Hollywood?"**_

"_**Hollywood is where they shoot movies with real people. Animewood is where they shoot Anime movies!"**_

_**He explained.**_

"_**I'll be away for a day or two…"**_

"_**For a movie premier?"**_

"_**It includes hotel accommodation!"**_

"_**Ok, doc! But in 2 days!"**_

"_**Yeah, sure, whatever!"**_

_**End of flash back**_

"And after 3 days, you still haven't come back!"

She shrieked once more.

"Ok… Ok… No need to shriek!"

He said, taking his hands off his ears.

"But you can't stay here! Kota, will you be so kind enough to bring her to a…"

But when they all looked around, she was gone.

"Whoa that kid is fast!"

Kakuzu commented.

……………………………………………………………………

**Ok! This is it for this chappie! Thanks for favoriting me!**

**And for that, here's a special sneak preview of the next chappie:**

"**Tobi, what is it behind your mask?"**

"**I can't answer that Kota… Gomenasai…"**

"**Take it off, for me?"**

"**Uhhh…"**

**What will happen? Will Tobi take his mask off? Find out!**


	8. Tobi's date with Kota

**Hey there people! This chappie will be the continuation of Chapter 7-Terra Kota! So Enjoy! How Tobi looks here is based on a pic I saw on deviantArt…**

……………………………………………………………………

Ok, quick recap of the past chapter people!

Everyone: Ready!

Bj21: Alright Here we go! Summary: Pein got pranked by Shizuki…

Pein: You did it?!

Shizuki: But it's too hilarious! Face it, everyone was laughing their asses off…

Members try to stay quiet because Pein is already getting better and they may end up dead if they dared to snicker.

Bj21: Terra Kota came by and saw him dancing in front of the base…

Mika: Where is Kota?

BJ: With Tobi probably…

Everyone: …

Bj21: That's all I think… All righty. On with the real fanfic!

Yep, Bj21 was right, Kota was with Tobi. Where are they you ask? Don't freak out or chase me with insanely sharp pitchforks, but they're on a date!

Kota and Tobi were in a very fancy restaurant on in the Leaf village a.k.a. Konoha. They got in there because of Kakuzu's cash that Tobi grabbed before they left.

"Wow, Tobi! This is so sweet of you!"

Kota squealed as she looked around the restaurant.

"Well, I didn't really want to, but for a girl as hot as you, I'd give anything!"

He said, though some of you may wonder why he was acting like that.

"And please, call me Madara. Not Tobi."

"But Tobi's such an adorable name! I wouldn't want it any other way!"

"Thanks…"

Later a waiter who looked strangely familiar like Sasuke came to their Table and offered the menu.

"Go on Kota…"

Tobi sweet talked.

"Order anything you like!"

"But everything looks so delicious! You pick something! I'll eat whatever it is!"

"Ok, I get to pick?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"Then I want the plate of spaghetti."

Kota threw him a very puzzled look. They were at a 5 star resto and he was just going to order a plate of spaghetti?

"Are you sure, Tobi my dear?"

She cooed.

"Yes. I want it. Spaghetti is a very romantic dish…"

"Ok, if it makes you happy, Tobi."

She just smiled but still puzzled inside.

Later on, the dinner arrived. In front of them was a big plate of the pasta.

"Bon appetite mademoiselle! "

He said in a very handsome French accent.

Kota picked up her fork and soon, both of them were sipping pasta from one big platter under the moonlight.

"Hey Tobi…"

Kota started.

"How do you eat with your mask on?"

"Uhhh…I have my ways. It's not easy at first, but you can get used to it…"

He answered.

"You said you'd give anything to me, right my love?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So…Tobi tell me, what is it behind your mask?"

"I can't answer that Kota… Gomenasai…"

"Take it off, for me?"

"Uhhh…"

"Come on,Tobs!"

Suddenly, Tobi got up and left the restaurant.

"Wait a minute, Tobi! Chotto matte!"

Kota said as she chased after Tobi.

"They didn't even pay."

The waiter said.

"We should get used to it! Just 8 weeks ago, this spiky orange haired guy and his blue haired girl came in and paid us with kunais stuck to our kneecaps!"

The manger said, pointing towards his bandaged knee.

"What was with that,Tobi?"

She asked.

"Well, I thought if I was going to let you see my true identity, We should go someplace secret like this abandoned park right here! You see, no one's ever seen my face. Not even Pein."

"Is that so, Tobi?"

"Yes. And I plan to keep it as it is. But if the girl I love wants to see it, Imust be honest with her… "

At that moment, Tobi began to unmask himself. He slowly took off the orange swirl that used to determine his identity.

Kota watched in amazement as the face began to reveal. A fair skinned face that seemed to scream out: O-U-T-O-F-M-Y-W-A-Y-H-A-N-D-S-O-M-E-L-I-V-I-N-G-L-E-G-E-N-D-C-O-M-I-N-G-T-H-R-O-U-G-H.

He had one Sharingan Eye and the other was closed for some reason. Black spiked hair came out in all directions which was kinda cute to think about.

"Geez. How many guys in this series use hair gel?"

She thought.

"Now you know who I am and how I really look like…"

"Yes. But why keep it form anyone, Tobi?"

"Well, I keep it from Konan because she may fall for me leaving Pein heartbroken and leaving me buried in a casket."

"Oh."

Kota sweatdropped. Then suddenly, a huge BANG filled the air that made Tobi jump.

Fireworks. They filled the sky with all sorts of colors.

"You frightened by fireworks, Tobi?"

"No. Just paranoid. If you live with a crazy blonde haired sculptor who is just mad about making things go BOOM… You're bound to get scared."

He said. Hoping no one was around to hear that.

"Thank you, Tobi. For the wonderful pasta dinner and for your honesty ."

"No prob Kota."

He answered, smiling.

"I know I might be asking too much, but can you grant me one more little wish?"

"And what may that be, Kota my cutie?"

"A Kiss. Just one kiss."

So under the bright explosions in the sky they kissed, it looked like a bit of a love story movie.

But not so far from the abandoned park was the annual 'Konoha Festival'. Orochimaru happened to attend and saw them kissing.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE TWO AKATSUKIS DOING THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARK?!!!!!"

He screamed like crazy and ran to Kabuto who was by the stage, cheering for Naruto as he tried to outwit Choji in a Ramen eating contest.

"Go Naruto!!!"

He cheered.

"Kabuto!"

A voice screamed. He looked back and saw the snake man running towards him as he knocked out every person there watching Choji and Naruto pig out.

"Kabuto!!!"

He continued to wail.

He pounced on him which sent him flying to the stage, his elbow suddenly pushed the chopsticks down Naruto's throat.

"COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!"

He went, clutching his neck as he made his way down the stage.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kabuto asked in rage.

"Akatsuki! Park! Kiss! Tobi! Explosion! End of the whole freaking world!!!"

He cried out hysterically.

Meanwhile back at the base…

Zetsu was once again enjoying the view outside of their village that is until Pinoko whined on him until he couldn't stand it any longer. Now the red head girl has control over the binoculars.

"Oohh… Orochimaru's over Kabuto again… I wonder what's it for this time."

She wondered.

"Don't tell me he's trying to steal Kabuto's body…"

Itatchi said skeptically.

Kisame, who was seated beside his partner, tried to picture Kabuto and the snake together.

"Hmmmn… Kabuto + Pale skin+ Long tongue=…"

After that, he shrugged off the thought for fear of having nightmares later on when they slept.

"It doesn't look like it…"

Pinoko answered.

"Well, is he trying to have you know what with him?"

Kakuzu said, Taking care to censor the accursed 3 letter word for the sake of the child's hearing.

Hidan spat out whatever he was drinking to the coffee table.

"He's trying to fuck Kabuto?!"

He screamed.

Kakuzu quickly covered his partner's mouth.

"Hidan shut your big shithole up! We have a child in here!"

He whispered.

"But you're doing the same friggin' thing!"

"Shh! There you go again you damn Jashinist!"

He whispered a bit louder.

"What does fuck mean?"

Pinoko asked as she came nearer to Kakuzu.

"Shh… Pinoko, it's a bad word. So don't use it!"

He scolded.

"Just tell her the bitchy truth already you fuckin' dickhead!"

"There you go again! Didn't I tell you to shut your shithole up?!"

"Yeah! But I'm not shutting my fucking shithole until you tell her the truth."

"Fine… I'll tell her. To put it simply, it's where babies come from."

"Fuck?"

"No the other word! The three letter word!"

"Just tell the kid what sex means!"

Just then, one of Kakuzu's tendrils creeped out from his sleeve and stitched Hidan's mouth closed.

Pinoko shrugged and just went back to watching the town. She wasn't really paying attention to them. It's just so fine to see Kakuzu and Hidan fight.

Suddenly A bang was heard from the door.

Tobi came in, his hair on fire, so was his cloak.

"Whoa, Tobi! So how was the date?"

Sasori asked, wetting his finger then putting off the flame on his hair.

"Tobi thinks it was hot…"

And with that, he limped to his room, obviously in pain.

On the way up, he met up with his Leader.

"Hey Tobi… Where's Kota?"

Pein asked him.

"She's outside the door Tobi thinks."

He continued to limp to his room.

"What's with Tobi and his 3rd degree burns?"

He asked.

"We don't know either…"

They all chorused.

Suddenly, Kota came through the door.

"What did you do with Tobi?!"

"It was just a hot date. It was real hot…"

Suddenly, her hands flared up with fire which made everyone stand in awe.

Not even Itachi's Sharingan or Pein's Rin'negan can believe what they were seeing. This girl was on fire! Literally!

"So if any of you try and ask Tobi what happened or where we went, I'm having Akatsuki barbeque for dinner!"

She flared up even more.

"Mommy…"

Itachi quivered.

"Ok, I'm making dinner! What do you want? Huh?"

She said and joined in Mika and Shizuki in the kitchen.

Everyone had their mouths open, unable to speak or anything else....

…………………………………………………………………..

That's it!


	9. Deidara's girl

**Possible SasoDei in this fanfic! So watch out!**

……………………………………………………………………

The following morning was all back to the usual schedule… But one familiar blonde haired artist found nothing to do and just strolled around the base for like 5 times already and everyone was wondering if he wasn't dizzy yet.

"I think I'm the only member here without a love partner yet…"

He thought silently.

"Leader-sama has Konan. Kisame has his goldfish named Goldy… For the love of explosions… What fucking Sharkman would name his fishes?!"

He grumbled.

"Itatchi has Mika Sakura and Hidan has those friggin' fangirls following him everywhere he goes. Zetsu has his cactus named Betty… Sasori no danna is always too busy with his work… Heck, he's married to his work!"

He chuckled a bit.

"Kakuzu, he's married to his own money. He'd kill anyone who'd dare touch his beloved piggy bank. Even that hyperactive shit Tobi has a girl. And a hot one at that."

Then he peered into the crack on Tobi's door. Kota was there tending to his burns from the previous night.

"Sorry for the burns Tobi…I guess I just got too excited upon hearing your answer that I released my Human torch jutsu…"

She apologized, wrapping him up in Bandages.

"It's ok Kota. I would've done the same thing. "

He murmured under the layers of bandages over his face.

"Aww, Tobi. You're so sweet!"

And she kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh I wish I could kiss you back."

"Do it when you're better. Not now…"

She said and prepared to leave the room.

"But it would be too embarrasing to talk about what had happened and if anyone asks, my damn Tobi self is bound to answer!"

"Don't worry, I told them not to ask..."

Then she opened the door.

Deidara scrambled out of the premises or he may end up like Tobi.

Kota came out of the room, looking in both directions.

"That's funny; I thought someone was watching us… Must be my imagination."

She shrugged.

Deidara, on the nearby corner sighed in relief.

"Aww… When will my true love ever come?"

Just then, Dr. (or Attorney) Black Jack came upstairs.

"Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah… What is it?"

"Do you have a… you know… a… girlfriend?"

He stammered, his feet moving in an uneasy manner.

"Pardon…"

The doctor looked at him bewilderedly.

"A sweetheart, maybe?"

After this, the doc threw himself to the ground laughing madly that it was heard throughout the whole ninja world.

"Doc…"

Deidara said, annoyed, as he watched the badger haired surgeon roll on the ground.

"Oh, So Sorry Dei!"

He stood up, wiping tears of joy away from his eyes.

"Is it (Laugh) True that Akatsuki's exploding freak of a (Louder laugh) sculptor is asking for love advice?! (Hysterical chuckle)"

"Hey, I only asked you if you had a girl!"

The doc kept on laughing like mad.

"Black Jack! Answer the fucking shit of a question!!!!"

Deidara screamed at him.

"Yeah! I do! So calm down… Met her in college… But I soon lost her…"

"She left you?"

Deidara guessed.

"Nope."

The doc shook.

"She fell in love with another guy?"

"Well… It was almost a possibility but no."

"Did she die?!"

The blonde asked, almost in tears.

"No!!! She got cancer so I treated her and bla… bla… bla… She became a man, became a ship doctor and that's it!"

He squealed.

"But still it's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all!"

He smiled.

"Oh really, because I think I'm the only one without a love partner yet… And I get so jealous when Kota tends to Tobi's burns or when Hidan gets smothered by fangirls or even the time when Pein and Konan get all lovey dubby on each other. Heck to the point that even Mika pulling on Itachi's leash looked good!"

He yelled, as if talking to a psychiatrist. When he turned, all there was a cloud of smoke on the trail like someone have been running off.

"Fucking son of a bitch…"

Deidara murmured.

Actually, the doctor was in the internet room of the base (How else do you think they plan their attacks?) at the website:

"lonelynomore.com!"

He exclaimed as he typed the address on the address bar.

"What the hell is ?"

Hidan asked, peering into the monitor.

"It's an online dating website…"

Black Jack answered.

"But how did you…"

Pein began to ask.

"Thousands of questions that don't need to be answered Pein… Thousands… And plus Deidara's got love issues. I gotta help mnd his broken heart..."

He replied again.

The leader kept silent.

"Ok… So, how do you guys describe Deidara? We gotta make him sound attractive."

"Start with something basic…"

Mika suggested.

"Alright. Basic you say… Well then Blonde haired artist seeks anyone with pulse…"

He pressed enter and no results showed up.

"Well no one's gonna like that!"

Itatchi said sarcastically.

"Ok… Umm… Say that he loves explosions!"

Konan suggested as the doctor typed.

"And he's gotta be smart!"

Kisame added.

"And he's really gotta be brawny!"

Shizuki said.

"Ok. Explosion loving, intelligent beef-cakey sculptor! What else have you guys got?"

Black Jack asked. This was getting exciting.

"He's hardworking…"

Pein added.

"Say that he loves to cook, Meat!"

Zetsu requested.

"Tell that he's a master sculptor!"

Mika suggested.

"Yeah!"

They all agreed.

"Add he's loyal to the girl he loves!"

Kota said.

"And my sweetie has a suggestion too: Tell that sempai is kind to Tobi!"

"Say he's also rich!"

Kakuzu said.

"Chicks dig the rich men!"

"Aww shut your shithole!"

Hidan interrupted.

"Say that he has a colorful language!"

He suggested.

"Add that he's also a gay…"

Itachi said, but everyone stared at him as he finished his statement.

"What? It's all true!"

He defended.

"How 'bout you Sasori? You haven't made a suggestion yet!"

The doc invited the red head beside him who didn't look too happy upon the decision to pair up his partner with another girl.

"Sasori?"

Pein said.

"Are you jealous?"

"What?! Are you crazy?! I'm not jealous! Deidara's a man. Why should I be? You know its fine! Just fine! Go partner up Deidara with any other girl out there! See if I care!"

He said, trudging out of the room.

"Oooook… While Pinnochio over there goes emo… Let's see what we've got…"

Black Jack said and dictated the words in the box that he typed.

"Here goes: Explosion loving, intelligent beef-cakey sculptor, who is hardworking, a barbeque expert, a master sculptor, loyal, rich, is fluent in most ninja languages and is interesting… Also says un in his end sentences… How's that guys?"

"Yeah!"

Then he pressed enter. A blonde girl's picture showed up.

"Hmmn… Says here her name's Adell, She's got honey blonde hair at shoulder length, Blue eyes, and is also a big fan of anything that goes boom..."

"She's perfect!!!"

They squealed in delight.

"Great but how do we lure the blonde prince to Rapunzel?"

A few moments later, they were in the meeting room and the doc laid out a blueprint.

"Ok, men… Point A will be the base. Point B will be the forest where they'll meet."

He instructed as he pointed out the points on the map.

"So I'll send him on a 'mission' to the forest where he and she will meet. After that, The lovestory will begin!"

Pein said a tone of which the Filipino fangirls say Kinikilig…

"Yeah! That's the plan!"

They all nodded their heads in agreement.

"So it's gonna be a lovestory, if they just say yes…"

They all sung in agreement. Except for Sasori that is…


	10. Finding true love and a jealous puppet

Ok so for this time, it's going to be all about getting Deidara and Adell to meet… So the plan will go as uhh… I dunno… As planned?

As far as anyone can see, Pein is obviously getting better by the day. He is currently back in office but as of now, no one has been sent on missions lately, well… for now…

"Konan…"

He said to the blue haired shinobi on his right side. She is his right hand woman after all…

"Can you call in Deidara to my office?"

He said, turning his back at Konan who was just about to leave.

"Yes. We can't have the whole plan in to action without the star…"

She chuckled.

Pein let out a slight smirk.

"Oh this is going to be gold!"

Meanwhile with Konan:

She ninja poofed to Deidara's room. The one place she was sure she'd find him.

Though she was kinda creeped out when she saw him sulking in his bed.

"Uhh… Dei?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

He replied.

"Leader-sama is calling you to his office."

"Great… Maybe a mission will get my mind off things…"

He said and walked to the Leader's office in a creepy manner.

"Wait up Dei!"

Konan said as she ran to catch up with him.

"I'm confident you'll find true love soon Dei!"

She chirped.

"Thanks for the cheer Konan-san."

He still said gloomily as he turned the knob.

"Leader-san, you called for me?"

"Yes Deidara. I did call. I need you to go to the Konoha forest. Kabuto's going there for unknown reasons and I want you to spy on him."

"Wait, you didn't mention Danna's name. Isn't he coming?"

"No Deidara I want you to work solo on this one. And besides, you just have to spy on a creepy 4 eyed freak who works with a gay snake man. I'd send Sasori with you if you were gonna capture a jinchuuriki or something like that. But no. You're working alone."

"All right if you say so…"

He said and left.

Outside, Sasori was standing by the office.

"So Dei, There's a mission?"

He said in an enthusiastic tone of voice which made Deidara shake. His Danna was not usually like this.

"Yeah. But are you running a fever Danna? Maybe I should call Doctor BJ…"

He said and walked away.

"No!"

Sasori cried out.

"Excuse me danna?"

"No! I meant we should go already! Leader-san's not going to be happy about this if we're late!"

He said and walked on forward.

"Umm… Sorry to break this to you danna, but I'm working solo today."

"B-B-But we're partners! Took an oath and stick out till the end, right?"

"Sorry danna. But I work solo today. Bye!"

And with that he ninja poofed to his destination.

Sasori got a pencil out of no where and bit it till it broke to tiny shreds.

"All right!"

A voice squeaked which made the red head jump up and swear.

"It's official. This puppet's got jealousy written all over him…"

The doc said as he took off a pair of glasses, professional style.

"Fuck you! Don't scare the shit out of me like that and besides…You gone off the coco shell?!"

Sasori exclaimed.

"Face it, jealousy is eating you up isn't it, Sasori?"

Itachi popped out of nowhere.

"Is not! Now will you damn fucking people leave me and whatever shit I am experiencing alone?!!!"

Sasori screamed, pulling his own hair.

"Funny… The first time you came to this organization, I thought puppets had absolutely no feelings…"

Pein said, also appearing out of thin air.

"Just admit it already…"

Kisame urged him.

"No way! You guys have been reading waaaay too much yaoi!"

He excused.

Meanwhile…

Deidara walked through the forests of Konoha, looking for the ash white haired guy he was supposed to follow.

"Now where is that Kabuto?"

He whispered to himself, at the same time observing his surroundings.

Then suddenly, a shadow passed by. It was jumping through the trees.

"Hmmn… It must be him…"

He said and followed the shadow to wherever it was going.

He followed the silhouette through the forest, jumping through branches which made them rattle.

Then when the figure stopped, Deidara decided to peek out from the tree he was hiding behind. And as if on cue, The sunlight shone behind the leaves, revealing a beautiful woman.

The blonde sculptor was left open mouthed. Was she the one he was destined to meet?

She had honey blonde hair like his and Crystal blue eyes also like his. She also wore a button down work shirt with cuffed sleeves and cut off blue jeans. Her footwear was a pair of hiking boots. She had a great body, very curvy…

"Whoa…"

He gasped.

The girl turned around and saw him; an awkward silence was heard…

"Hey…"

He began, just to break the silence.

"I'm Deidara… What's your name?"

"Me? I'm Adell…"

The girl replied shyly. Then she made her way down to the bottom, jumping down from the tree she was just on.

"Hey! Wait up!"

Deidara said playfully as he followed her down.

"What village are you from?"

He asked her again.

"The Stone village…"

"Funny! I'm from there too!"

"That must explain your forehead protector…"

She replied, chuckling.

A red blush crept into Deidara's cheeks.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

He kept repeating to himself.

"Anyway, you wanna go for a walk or something?"

She kindly invited, outreaching her hand for him to grab.

Without hesitation, he gently took her hand and walked with her. Yep, everything was going perfectly. Everything was according to plan…

They sat by a stream on the outskirts of town, throwing rocks at the water body.

"Your outfit, it seems kinda familiar to me… Are you from the Akatsuki?"

She asked.

"Well yeah I am…"

He stammered.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

She asked again.

"Well… No… In the world of people who kill and fight almost every day of their lives, it's hard to find a woman who's fall in love with a criminal artist like me…"

He sighed.

"Well, in my world, I have man following me wherever I go because of my body…"

"Oh, so do you have a boyfriend?"

"No. Again it's hard to find a guy who'll love a lady who's just crazy about things that go bang…"

Suddenly, Deidara had interest in this girl.

"So you like things that go boom?"

"More than anything else in the world…"

The blonde, feeling accepted for the first time in his life; put his hand in the bag of clay attached to his hip and began molding it into a butterfly. After which he let it go.

"It's beautiful Dei!"

She exclaimed snuggling to him.

"But what's so explosive about a mere butterfly?"

"Just wait…"

Then he formed the hand seal he did and said:

"Katsu!"

The butterfly was blown to smithereens.

"That was… AWESOME!"

She exclaimed.

"Can you make other things go boom?!"

"I can make a wide variety of things explode."

He said with pride.

"Konan was right… I'd really find my true love…"

Deidara smiled.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Back at base:

Sasori paced the floor over a million times now and Kakuzu is already swearing in different languages because the floor already had a hole in it from Sasori's walking.

"Sasori! Stop pacing the floor already! Kakuzu's going to swear in French now…"

Itatchi said, peeking from his newspaper. Everyone, (Except for the puppet and Kakuzu) had earmuffs on. Kakuzu's swearing was 10 times worse than Hidan's swearwords.

"But Deidara's taking so long! What if he had a run in with deadly ANBU officers?"

He worriedly said.

"He'd blow them to pieces…"

Zetsu's white side said.

"I hope he brings a severed arm or leg…"

His black side commented.

"But what if a jinchuuriki came in his path? Then what?!"

He again so anxiously said.

"He'd capture it… He's captured Gaara's bijuu and I'm sure he can handle his self…"

Pein re-assured him.

"But what if? What if?"

This puppet was out of excuses.

"Why are you so fucking concerned anyway?"

Hidan asked him.

Everyone kept quiet and waited for his answer.

"No reason…"

He frowned.

"You're not usually this worried about Deidara…"

Kisame said.

"Yeah, usually you'd say some piece of shit like 'Deidara can take care of his own' or 'He's wasting my time' Or the classic 'get out of my fucking damn room' Pick up line?"

Itachi said.

He was about to answer when the clay 'bird' said ding dong again.

He was the first to rush to the door and opened it.

"Deidara! I'm so glad you're…"

He was cut off when the others coughed sarcastically and whistled.

"Uhh… I mean… What are you doing here you brat?! And are you finished with your mission? You kept us waiting! And you know I don't like to wait…"

He sneered.

"Sorry danna. But I really lost track of time since I was having so much fun!"

"Having fun spying on Kabuto?"

The red head said to the blonde in a confused manner.

"No. Kabuto was not there at all. I fell I've been tricked… but… the Hell with that because let me introduce to you…"

Then Adell came into the scene.

"Tada! Here's Adell! She's a ninja from the rock village… And she also looks like me!"

"She's definitely the one, right Mika?"

Shizuki whispered to the woman beside her.

"Yep, she's the one!"

"That's great! Just wonderful! Now she can go home! Thanks a lot Adell, come again!"

He said, shoving the girl out of there.

"Danna! What do you think you're doing to my girlfriend?!"

Deidara screamed.

"G-G-Girlfriend?"

Adell blushed.

"Girlfriend?!"

Sasori squealed.

"Girlfriend…"

The others sighed as if they knew what was going to happen.

"Yes, girlfriend! So leave her alone! And if Leader-san allowed Kota, Shizuki and Mika in, Adell's no exception!"

The blonde sculptor said, dragging Adell to the base.

Sasori crossed his arms to his chest, feeling very humiliated.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Ok... so that's it for this chapter!

please, if you still want to be a part of the story, send in your details ASAP. Because I am planning on ending this fanfic and making a part II... I'm still thinking of it.

Anyway, thank you for reading!


	11. No jealousy and a love true but deadly

Sasori was outside the base, cursing and kicking everything in his path, even though there was nothing much to kick… He did so because 1st of all: His partner found a new partner and no longer him (A bit over acting there, Sasori!) and 2nd of all, He just got humiliated.

"Maybe I can calm myself down by buying some candy in town…"

He murmured to himself as he dug into his pant's pocket, feeling around for any cash.

There was…

After a little while, he came back with a bag of gumdrops, happily chewing on one of them.

He sat by the outer wall of the cave, looking at the blue sky. It was unusually sunny in the rain village today, probably because Pein's happy.

Suddenly, Shizuki, Mika and Kota came out and sat with him.

"Why the hell are you all out here?"

He asked them.

"Well it's basically because Deidara and Adell blew almost half of the rooms in the hallways and it's also because Hidan and Kakuzu are swearing their asses off."

Shizuki explained.

"And the others…?"

Sasori asked skeptically.

"Hiding in an entirely safe c4 bomb shelter…"

Kota answered.

"Wait a minute… You're supposed to be with Tobi!"

The red head said and pointed to Kota.

"And you're supposed to be with Itachi!"

He pointed to Mika.

"Dude…"

Shizuki spoke up and put an arm around the puppet.

"Them being boyfriends and girlfriends or husbands and wives doesn't mean they have to walk everywhere each one of them goes."

"I know that…"

The puppet sulked, shoving another blue gumdrop into his mouth, though the girls were wondering how he ate if he was now made of wood.

"Hey!"

Kota squealed, noticing the bag full of rainbow colored balls in the red head's left hand.

"Are those gumdrops?"

"Yeah so?"

"Come on Sas… Share with us!"

They chorused.

"Share with you? Good thing you said so, it's because I've been feeling very jealous lately… I dunno why I feel that way because Deidara is a boy, but I think being with him for quite some time now made me a bit insecure…"

"Umm… Sasori…"

Shizuki interrupted.

"I-I-I know, open communication maybe the best answer, but I feel so shy… As of now, I feel like singing When you're gone by Avril Lavinge! "

"Sasori…"

Kota said as she tapped his shoulder.

"We meant share your gumballs…"

"OMG! Did I just tell you how I felt?!"

Sasori cried out in disbelief.

"It's ok, Sasori. We won't tell anyone, promise!"

They all said.

"And I'm sure; you'll bump into your first love no sooner than today…"

Mika said to him.

"Yeah for sure… Now will you girls excuse me…? I'll just go take a stroll in The Rain village…"

He walked out, Emo style.

"What did you mean by he'd meet his true love no sooner than today?"

Kota and Shizuki asked her.

"Lucky guess…"

She shrugged off.

Meanwhile with Sasori,

He was just walking around the village, receiving weird glares from the people in the town. They dare not speak though because they probably know he works with their Amekage.

He also looked around as he was walking. People, elderly and children alike, were enjoying the sunshine rarely shone over their town.

"Looks like I'm the only one not happy today…"

He sighed.

Then a drop of water fell on the tip of his nose, rain was beginning to fall from the sky again and people came rushing into their homes.

"I wonder what happened this time; the weather was fine a minute ago…"

He thought.

Back at base…

"WHAT THE FRIGGING HELL DO YOU MEAN THE SCROLLS OF NEXT MONTH'S MISSIONS ARE BURNED TO BITS?!!!!!"

The orange haired leader flared up.

"Well… Um… The two sculptors ran out of things to blow up so they tried to see Kota and Tobi who were by the way having a small chat with each other."

Konan explained.

"Kota asked me before that happened; if she could see the scroll for next week's missions therefore she has it. When Deidara asked her to give him permission to blow Tobi up, by the way it was stupid of him for asking that, Kota flared up, burned the scroll and the blonde and now she's picking a fight with Adell…"

She added.

Back with Sasori…

"Oh well, a walk in the rain isn't that bad…"

He said and continued on his stroll.

Then suddenly the pitter patter of water came as if someone has been running on them.

In an instant, the puppet put up his guard, prepared to fight anyone who'd dare come near him.

Instead of stopping, the sound came nearer and nearer.

"Does this person want to commit suicide or what?"

He asked, smirking.

Out of the mist, came a girl wearing a knee length kimono and ninja sandals, came through the mist and stared at him for a moment then walked on.

When Sasori felt that she wasn't going to attack him or anything, he let down his guard and continued to trudge on.

"I wonder who she was."

He asked himself. Then suddenly, Mika's words came into mind:

"I'm sure; you'll bump into your first love no sooner than today…"

It echoed again and again in his mind.

"Could it be that she's… Nah…"

He shook off the feeling.

"Or maybe…"

He thought again.

Then he stopped and thought rationally about this whole thing first…

"I think it wouldn't be too bad to follow her…"

Temptation has gotten the best of this puppet. And so he began following the mysterious lady who just may or maybe the answer to his problems.

She was soon in view and it was not at all hard to follow her through the mist created by the humid weather.

"Why do I feel like this? I'm like so eager to ask her name or take her to a fancy dinner…"

He whispered to himself.

The girl stopped then looked over her right shoulder.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

She asked.

"Uhh…"

The red head was stunned. He never spoke to a woman before. The only girl he spoke with was Konan at the base and others would have to be enemies.

The woman stared at him for quite a while too. Then suddenly spoke:

"Hey… Are you Gaara of the desert?"

Sasori sulked. There really have been a number of people asking him that and it wasn't only the fangirls…

"Uhh… No. But I am from Suna…"

"Oh… Because I was looking for him… By the way, is this the Sand village?"

She said and then looked around her surroundings. Sasori chuckled. This girl was lost!

"No. It's called the rain village because as you know, rain. It's always raining here…"

He was already fumbling for words to say.

"B-But if you wanna go to Suna, the quickest way is through the Konoha forest. You'd get there 15 minutes tops."

He said and pointed the way through.

"But I can't really travel in this weather now can I? Do you know a place where I can stay?"

She asked him.

"Yeah! I know the perfect place! Come with me!"

He said and tugged on her Kimono's sleeve.

"So what's your name?"

He asked as they walked in the rain together. The weather had its effect on the mood of the scene.

"My name? I'm Sayuri…"

She replied, blushing.

"And what village do you come from?"

"Me? I'm from Suna but I got kinda lost and having difficulty finding the place… It's my first time on travel you know…"

"You on a mission or somethin'?"

"I'm sorta like an amateur ANBU, meaning I'm still undergoing training. I'm sent from Suna to try and go find this criminal organization called Akatsuki…"

Sasori twitched a bit.

"Why?! Why oh Why when I've found my first love she just **had** to be an ANBU officer?!"

He screamed in his mind.

"Do you know what they wear or who the members are by any chance heh…heh…"

He asked her.

"All I know is they wear black knee-length cloaks with red cloud printings on them…"

She said.

The puppet sighed. He was only wearing his fishnet shirt, pants, trademark Akatsuki sandals and also the brown hooded cloak he had.

They soon arrived at the front of the base on the roofed porch.

"Will you please wait here a moment, Sayuri?"

He said and opened the door slightly, enough that she couldn't see inside.

"Sure umm…"

"Sasori. I'm Sasori…"

He said then went inside and closed the door tight.

Inside…

"There you are Sasori! How was the walk?"

Black Jack asked, taking his eyes off the binoculars.

"Every Akatsuki here, take off your cloaks!"

He screamed.

Everyone in the living room looked at him.

"Dude. What The Fuck?"

Kisame stared in shock as he said that.

"Take it off! Take it all off! Including Forehead protectors, rings, anything related to us!"

"Wa-------------y ahead of you…"

Hidan said, coming out of his room wearing nothing at all.

Yep he was nude and you could imagine how all the girls acted upon seeing him.

"What?!"

The Jashinist yelped, clearly not pleased of their reactions.

"No! No! No!"

Sasori cried out, pulling a black plaque out of nowhere engraved 'censored' and gave it to him.

"You can wear the things we wear under the cloak, but the main cloak has to go! If you want, wear something casual!"

He suggested, collecting their cloaks and throwing into the laundry bin then finally kicking it out of sight.

"What's the occasion?"

Deidara asked.

"Look I have this girl I met…"

"Yes, go on…"

They all urged him.

"Who I think I like…"

"Yes…"

"But…"

"But what?"

"She'sanANBUintrainingwhoknowswhatwewearandissentheretohuntusdownbutIreallylikehersomuchsopleasegivemeachanceonthisone…"

He spoke rapidly, but they all understood. Yep, being with Tobi does have its advantages.

"Give us a minute Sasori…"

Kakuzu said, going up to his room and signaled the others to follow.

After 4 minutes or so, Kakuzu yelled:

"All right Sasori… reel her in!"

Sasori opened the door and Sayuri stepped into the premises.

"Ok Sayuri! Welcome to the-"

He was stopped when he saw them in real casual wear. As in Denim pants and T-shirts.

"You didn't tell me you were with your pals!"

She joked and gave him a slap on his back.

"Yeah! Hey there, Sas! Welcome back!"

Zetsu invited.

"How adorable! Yes! I'll be just fine here!"

She said and nodded in agreement.

Sasori faced them all, his cheeks all red, and took his pointer finger and sliced it across his neck, meaning:

"DIE!"

………………………………………………………………………………………................................

Ok, here you go Sayuri! Just so anyone knows, I no longer accept characters… (Tries to avoid kunais shot by random people).

Sorry if it's not that funny, I was kind of in a rush lately!


	12. Spin the dig darn bottle!

Once again, they were in their casual wear sitting around the base. Sasori was humiliated the second time. But this time was worse because he was humiliated by the whole group.

Sayuri took a seat in between Itachi and Deidara who had both their girlfriend cuddling on them, except that Deidara's doing it on his free will but Itachi's not.

"So you're Sayuri eh?"

Deidara began.

"Umm… yeah…"

"Hi. I'm Deidara and this is my girl, Adell…"

He said and pointed to the girl beside him who was enjoying herself with the other guys.

Yep. They all looked like a bunch of crazy teens having a party.

Sayuri smiled and nodded.

A finger tapped her shoulder. It was the Uchiha's finger.

"Hi. My name is Itachi Uchiha, I'm a merciless psychopath who killed his whole clan but that's not important right now! You see, a doctor or whatever the fucking hell he is tricked me into marrying this girl. I'm being held here against my will and the shit tied to my neck is proof. Now you would be a tremendous help if you could untie that knot over there…"

He said to the violet-eyed girl who was staring at him bewilderedly.

"Hey Sayuri!"

A voice cried out. There they all were, sitting in a circle, including Sasori who just recovered from utter embarrassment.

He was waving to her saying:

"Hey Sayuri! Come over and play spin the bottle with us!"

"Sure! I love spin the bottle!"

She squealed and dashed over, taking a seat beside Sasori.

"Hey! Let me join! C'mon Adell!"

Deidara invited and tugged on Adell's arm.

"Oooh! Let's go Dei!"

"Spin the bottle?"

Mika questioned excitedly.

"I wanna play! Come on Itachi! Let's join!"

She said and dragged him there.

"Suffocating…"

He moaned, struggling to untie the uber tight rope on his neck.

"Relax sweetums; you'll never break free from my grasp… NEVER…"

The last 'never' was in a tone so creepy even a killer like him would quiver,

Once they were all seated, the lights turned off automatically and every candle in the living room flared up.

"What the hell?!"

Deidara cried out as Adell clung to his arm.

"Leader-san!!!"

They all screamed at him.

"What?! It wasn't me!"

He screamed back.

"T-Then…"

Hidan said, clinging like a scared little kid onto Kakuzu who was mumbling curses.

"Who the heck is scaring the shit out of us?"

"Who else has a fire based jutsu?"

Zetsu asked.

"Kota…"

They all stared in her direction.

"Look, I can set myself on fire but not things on fire…"

She said.

"Then who the hell-"

"Anyway…"

Pinoko said in the silence.

"Let's continue! I'll spin first!"

And with that, she spun the bottle.

It pointed to Pein.

"Shit."

He swore.

"Who knows what kind of torture this girl would bestow on me…"

"Ok, Pein-sama! Truth or Dare?"

Pein was about to say truth when Kisame said:

"Say truth and you're a pansy…"

"Fine! Dare! Dare me anything you wish!"

He challenged.

The red haired girl let out an evil smirk.

"Uh-oh… You should've picked truth Pein."

Black Jack shook.

"Pein-sama…"

She began to speak.

"I dare you…"

Pein was discreetly shaking.

"To let me bite you…"

A horrid gasp was heard from the group.

"That's all?"

He smirked.

"That's all?! You'll bite me?!Look here little girl, I've been fighting ninjas and stabbed by kunais for over a million times now and you don't think I can take on one measly bite?"

He said, snickering.

Pinoko looked mad.

"Put out your arm…"

She said threateningly.

"Ooh! Little Miss Fearsome bite is trying to act tough eh? Ok, I'll play along…"

He said naughtily and pulled his sleeve back revealing his arm.

"There you go. Make sure you bite hard!"

"Oh, I'll bite hard alright..."

She said, going near him and rolling up her sleeves as she goes.

Then…

CHOMP!!!!!!

The sound of his bones literally crushing was heard.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He screamed like mad, waving his arm in an attempt to shake the girl free.

"I told you…"

The doctor whispered to himself.

"OH GOD THAT HURTS!!!"

He screamed.

"Go on Pein! Spin the damn bottle already!"

Shizuki told him.

He spun it with his free hand and it pointed to Kakuzu.

"Kakuzu, truth or dare?"

He asked.

"Seeing that a dare can kill me, the truth seems safer…"

He said.

"Alright, truth…"

But since the leader had his hands full, he had to send in one of his paths to do the traditional gripping of the fingers.

Kakuzu intertwined his fingers in preparation.

"Do you love Hidan?"

Hidan and Kakuzu's jaw dropped.

"What kind of a fucking shit of a question is that?"

Hidan asked him.

"Yeah…What the-"

Kakuzu cut his sentence when the long, orange haired man in front of him clutched his fingers hard.

"Owwww! Owww! Ow-wow!"

He screeched.

"Fine! No!"

Kakuzu squealed.

"Is that the truth already?"

"NO! Uhh… I mean YES!"

He shrieked from the pain.

"Just admit it Kakuzu!"

"No!!!"

"Admit it!"

"Fine! Yes! I do, I do, and I do! I love Hidan more than anyone else! To be honest, I love him more than my money! Even if he can be a stuck-up dickhead at times, I'd still love him like no other!"

He finally confessed.

Then a red blush crept up his cheeks as he stared at the people snickering and staring at him.

"No one opens their fuck up about this, alright…"

He said and took a seat beside his partner who was totally embarrassed.

He spun the bottle, pointing it to Kisame.

"Kisame, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Ok… I dare you to take off your pants to see if you are really half shark!"

"Wha-? No! You crazy?"

Kisame yelled at Kakuzu.

"Or there is dare #2… Give me 50 bucks and kiss every male in here, except for me and Hidan, on the lips, directly saying I love you as you go…"

All the girls clutched their beloved one's arms in a defensive manner, angrily looking at the fish-man.

"Fine, I'll take it off, I'll take it off. If that's what you want, I'll do it…"

He said as he began to un-pants himself.

Soon, the sound of his pants flying in the air was heard.

"Well?"

He asked the group of men (because the girls were covering their eyes) in front of him.

"So you are half shark afterall…"

Kakuzu said, open mouthed.

"Yeah, it's clear. Sharks do have 2 of them…"

Hidan said.

"Yeah. Now you all know."

Kisame said, as he put on his pants again, sat down and spun the bottle.

Itachi was the victim.

"Now, Itachi truth or-"

"Dare!"

The Uchiha automatically answered.

"Anything that'll break me free…"

"Fine. Itachi, I dare you to go over to Konoha, kneel in front of your brother with this violin and apologize to him in Italian. Ooh! Ooh! Make sure you hug him like a true Nii-san would."

Mika began to untie his rope leash.

"Make it snappy, 'Tachi…"

She added.

The Uchiha blasted out of the wall, leaving his outline, shouting: 'FREEDOM! FREEDOM!' As he went.

"Don't try to do anything funny!"

Kisame added to his partner who was running frantically.

"We'll be watching!!!"

"To the binoculars!!!!"

Zetsu cried out.

Meanwhile in Konoha….

Itachi has managed to get into the village, searching for his brother.

Finally, he found a window and decided to try it out.

"Bingo…"

He whispered to himself as he saw the sleeping Sasuke in his bed.

He plopped down on the floor, taking the violin and began playing it which of course awakened the young Uchiha.

"Nyaak! Itachi what the hell?"

He said as he woke up to see his brother in front of him.

"_Mi Dispiace, Sasuke-kun per lesciare stare qualcuno…"_

He said in a ridiculous Italian accent.

"Itachi! You're creeping me out!"

He screamed.

But his horror was even more induced when he dropped the violin and hugged Sasuke.

"Itachi! What has happened to you?!"

Sasuke screamed.

Back at base:

"Aw, man!"

Zetsu said as he slapped Hidan's back.

"You should've seen the look on Sasuke's face!"

"Yeah. He looked more frightened than the time Leader got lost in the supermarket!"

Hidan laughed out loud.

"Aww shaddup you friggin'idiot!"

Pein said and hit the Jashinist on the head, hard.

"Oww… I have feelings too 'ya know…"

He said rubbing his head.

"Ok, while he gets chased by the whole Konoha village, let's continue…"

They reformed the group circle and Mika spun the bottle for Itachi.

It went Sasori's way…

"Fuck…"

He swore.

"Well since my sweety isn't here yet, I'll have to challenge him…"

Mika said, smiling.

Sasori gulped in terror.

"Tru-"

Sasori began but then, Tobi grabbed a card that was folded nicely on where Itachi was seated.

"Hmmmn… Tobi found this!"

He said and waved the card in the air.

"What's in it?"

Kota asked the orange masked man.

"It says…~Ahem~ (Imitating Itachi's voice) Note to self: If Sasori says truth, he'd have to say everything he and Deidara do in his room during Friday nights…"

A vein mark hit the puppet's head.

"Fuck you Itachi…"

He whispered.

Adell looked at Deidara as if begging him to tell what that meant.

Deidara sweat dropped.

"Heh…Heh…"

He chuckled.

"Danna, pick dare!"

He whispered to the red head that was like 2 persons away from him.

"Fine…"

Sasori moaned out of frustration.

"Dare."

"Alright… If you dare, I dare you to… kiss Sayuri!"

Sasori flinched then blushed as he looked at Sayuri who was burying her face in her hands.

"No…No…No… He's way too cute! I can't! I can't!"

Sayuri thought over and over again.

"No way! She's also too cute!"

Sasori said in his mind too.

"Get on with it you puppet!"

Mika commanded him.

The two faced each other, clearly blushing.

Suddenly Black Jack brought out a guitar and began strumming it in a beautiful tone.

"Maybe a little music may help set the mood…

He said.

" There you see her, sitting there across the way, she ain't got a lot to say but there's something about her. And you don't know why but you're dying to try you wanna, Kiss the girl… "

He signaled for them to follow his lead.

Deidara took on the stage.

" Yes you want her… Look at her you know you do. Possible she wants you too there is one way to ask her. "

Then Tobi, in Madara's voice, followed.

" It don't take a word not a single word, go on and kiss the girl… "

Every followed and sung:

" Sha la la la la la my oh my! Looks like Sasori's too shy ain't gonna kiss the girl! Sha la la la la la ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame too bad, He gonna miss the girl… "

Then Sasori touched Sayuri's cheeks, then pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

"Oh… My… Jashin."

They all gasped.

"There. Done."

Sasori said, going back to his old monotonous self.

He was about to spin the bottle when the phone rang.


	13. This was all a DREAM!

"Geez it's almost 11 pm. Who'd fucking call us at 11 pm?!"

Hidan exclaimed.

Kisame stood up and answered the phone.

"Hello? Oh… alright… Leader-sama it's for you."

"Hello, who is this and do you have even a single idea how busy we are and what time it is?"

He answered in an irritated way.

"Oh… But…I understand… But still… You know it's pretty much illegal to… You do have a point… Well, copyrighted things do really have a right… Ok… Alright… bye…"

He put down the receiver.

"Well, who was it?"

Konan asked him.

"She refused to give out her real name but she refers to herself as bj21 and she says she wants Dr. Black Jack and his daughter back to her house ASAP before the production company file a case against her…"

"But what did she really say?"

The doc asked, as if expecting what the caller would say…

"Well, I don't really swear a lot, especially in one sentence, so I'll just whisper it to Hidan over here and he'll blurt it out into oblivion…"

After a few minutes of whispering…

"~Ahem~ I want that fucking doc and his daughter here right now! My frigging contract is already expired and they are going to file a shit against me if they aren't back here by sunrise! Gotta go, the FBI is already here handcuffing my damn hands!"

"Looks like she's upset…"

Zetsu nodded.

"It isn't that obvious…"

Sasori sweat dropped.

"Well, I better get going before she starts swearing at me again…"

Black Jack said as he stood up and took away Pinoko from Pein's arm.

"Just one thing before I go…"

"And what may that be?"

They all asked, looking at the doc.

He slapped the leader on the cheek, hard. So hard it left a palm mark.

"What the hell was that for?!!!"

Pein asked, clearly angry.

"All I'm asking you to do is wake up."

"What?"

"Wake up as in get-up, go out, and enjoy the sunshine…"

"You're joshing me!"

Pein said and backed away. There was simply no way this was all a dream.

"Just wake up already!"

His voice echoed and slowly faded away then….

……………………………………………………..........................................................................................................

"Pein, wake up…"

A soft female voice echoed.

"Wha!!!!"

He screamed and jolted awake, surprised to find himself lying on the sofa, everyone around him.

"Thank goodness you're already awake…"

Konan sighed.

"W-W-Where the heck are we?"

Pein asked, confused.

"We're in the base sir, at home…"

Kisame, leaning on Samaheda, reassured him.

"Whoa… What the hell happened? Why does my head hurt?"

"You took quite a buster there, sir."

A voice said.

He looked around and saw Mika with Itachi.

"You hit your head on the concrete ground of the village square, y'know?"

"It's a good thing we found you…"

More voices said.

There was Kota with Tobi, Sayuri with Sasori and Deidara with Adell.

"Where the hell is Shizuki?"

He demanded.

"Shizuki is the one who tended to your head injury…"

"No… She's the one who caused all this! She pranked me to!"

"Don't accuse me of such things…"

She said, hitting him at the back of his head, causing a big lump to appear.

"Oww…Oww…Owweee…"

He whimpered softly.

"You mean everything was a dream? A hallucination?

"What do you mean, Pein?"

They curiously asked.

"I mean Kota dated Tobi, we found Deidara's girlfriend online, Sasori got mind bendingly jealous so he also found himself his ideal girl and after that he forced us to take our cloaks off then we played truth or dare, Pinoko bit me, Kakuzu said he loved Hidan, Kisame took off his pants and we all saw he was half shark, Itachi even went to Konoha to apologize to Sasuke in Italian! Sasori kissed Sayuri too and we all sung the Kiss the girl song!"

He said, but to the others, he sounded pretty hysterical.

"You know what we think, Sir?"

Kakuzu said, completely ignoring what Pein just said a while ago.

"We think you hit your head on the pavement a bit too hard…"

He said, knocking on his own head.

"But it was t-t-too real! There's just no way it was a dream…"

Konan then tapped his shoulder.

"How 'bout I take you upstairs to your bedroom, how's that?"

She offered, sweat dropping.

"Sure… But I tell you! It's all real!"

He insisted, while his blue-haired partner assisted him in walking.

"Yeah, sure it is…"

She replied a bit sarcastically.

With that she looked over her shoulder and winked at the people behind her.

They all winked back.

When the sound of the door closing was heard, Tobi broke the silence by saying:

"You think it's better if Leader-san doesn't know the truth about you know what?"

He asked Kota.

"Yep."

Mika answered.

"It's best if he thinks this was all a dream…"

Shizuki added.

"But sometimes, I feel like we were all trapped inside a fanfiction forced to do crazy stuff the author writes…"

Kisame said.

"No. If this was a fanfiction, Deidara would be in a dress…"

Itachi said pointing to the blonde beside him which resulted in fits of laughter from the group as Deidara and his girlfriend beat up the poor Uchiha.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Finally I'm finished!!!!

Thank you for reading and reviewing!


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